I used to wonder how can one be hurt & been betrayed by their loved ones (& I'm not referring to loosing to death) up to the point that one can no longer able to cry, only feel the deep set crampy feeling at their chest - a pain that brings breathlessness & cause migraine. How can it be possible to have no more tears, not even able to utter a slight groan?
It's been long road, a rough & fruitless journey for the pasts 10 years. Somehow no matter what I do & say, I can't beat down the wall of selfishness, of possessiveness & judgemental spirits. I don't understand how can a person be so blinded from goodness & love revealing to them everyday, wasting away their lives by living in their own world & counting flaws. Sad for these people, who misses the genuine love & care that I bring to them everyday.
I confess my inability to fight on. Tiredness, disappointments & despair has overtaken me. I failed to make these persons see the light. Who can I run to except the One who is closest to my heart; One who will bring healing to my heart.
I long to go Home soon, where my spirit belongs to. Maranatha! I long to worship You, for You are the Only One who knows the secrets of my heart, knowing the pain that these people has brought to me; only You can breath a new breathe to my body. I'm submitting myself to Your Will in obedience, without asking why it has to happen to me. I know You are my Vindicator, You will bring justice to the matter.
O Lord, lighten my load, heal my pain. Help me to forgive as You have forgiven me.
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